Kids

Rearranging bookshelf

Joey

Today our family went through the bookshelf in our den, removing books that we no longer wanted to keep. Several of the shelves were two-deep, and there was a lot of clutter–books that either had never been read or would never be read again. The initial process was to take everything off the shelf and replace only those we wanted to keep, so there was initially a lot of disorganization: nonfiction by fiction, pop fiction by classics, etc. Our kids, Katie Rose and Pete, took the books they wanted, and somehow our daughter, Katie Rose, ended up with all the Carl Hiassen in her room in exchange for returning The Hobbit and Memoirs of a Geisha to the den. Earlier, however, she had also returned about 7-8 of my Calvin and Hobbes books, including the first two–Calvin and Hobbes and Something Under the Bed is Drooling, and therein lies my tale for today:

In June, 1988, Debbie and I had our first argument: Which comic strip was better?–Calvin and Hobbes or Bloom County. I argued for the former; Debbie, the latter. Calvin only debuted in 1985–even later in our local papers–while Bloom County had been around since 1980, so, to be fair, she wasn’t as familiar with Calvin and Hobbes, but she could not believe it could be better than Bloom County. Also at this point, we had only just met as counselors at a summer camp and were still a year away from dating.

Creased rear cover of Calvin & Hobbes
“replacement”

Since she didn’t have ready access to the Bill Watterson oeuvre, I came back from a break between camp sessions with my copy of the eponymous first collection of Calvin and Hobbes strips and loaned it to her. While she was reading it, she accidentally creased the back cover. Her initial thought was to replace it with a new copy, but the second collection of strips, Something Under the Bed is Drooling, had recently been published, so she got that instead and gave it to me when she returned Calvin & Hobbes. I was already becoming smitten, but this display of integrity, responsibility, and clear thinking impressed me. (Also, she did not read the second book before giving it to me.)

Joey’s copy
Debbie’s copy

While I liked Calvin and Hobbes better, I also did like Bloom County–my second favorite comic at the time. Which meant that our combined library had two copies of Berke Breathed’s first collection–one much the worse for wear after 32 years, which was culled today. Fortunately, Debbie’s copy is the one that survived.

As I alluded to earlier, it took another year for me to impress her sufficiently for us to start dating, but nine years after that first argument, we had Katie Rose. Around six years after that, Katie Rose became engrossed with Calvin and Hobbes–our collection had now grown to ten of Watterson’s books–and she, along with her brother, inflicted more damage on the covers and pages of the books than Debbie did on the first one. Nothing too bad, fortunately–mainly just wear and tear from reading and re-reading and re-reading until Harry Potter came along to obsess over.

Reading and no TV

Joey

This year Pete started middle school, and Katie Rose started high school. Both have new and larger challenging workloads between homework, band, and sports, and I suggested that we institute a no-TV-on-weeknights policy for the kids to help them balance priorities. Then Debbie had the crazy idea that we should set some kind of “example” and not watch any ourselves, thereby leaving more time to read and (cue ominous music) talk. I reluctantly agreed, and have reluctantly, mostly followed the rule. Given my disinclination to discourse, I have gotten a lot of reading done, albeit sometimes with frequent interruptions. Not coincidental to the interruptions, Debbie started reading, but not enjoying, The Brothers Karamazov.

Some consequences of this change:

  1. With the kids going to bed later now, whatever we watch on weekends usually must be PG-13 or thereabouts, which means the DVD of Russell Crowe’s “Robin Hood” has been sitting by the TV for 4 weeks. Thus, we are now paying Netflix about $7.99 (and counting) per DVD with their latest change in pricing. And we are getting less value from the Instant Watching side.
  2. I have read three books in the last three weeks (Night Watch, by Terry Pratchett; Submarine, by Joe Dunthorne; Sons of Texas, by Elmer Kelton). All were good, but I liked the Kelton book best.
  3. When I went to the library to get the first three books, Pete was with me, and again when I went to return those and get three more yesterday after his soccer practice. Last time I asked if he wanted to get a book, and he declined. This time, unprompted by me, he was at the catalog terminal and asked me how to spell “Fahrenheit.” I asked if he was looking for Fahrenheit 451 [by Ray Bradbury], and he was. So we found it, checked it out, and he started reading it on the way home. To Debbie’s credit, that example idea looks like it is working.

$20 in Laundry

Joey

Debbie found $20 in the laundry tonight and asked me if I was missing any money. She said Katie Rose, who just babysat last night, said it wasn’t hers. Without me having to say much, Katie Rose then proceeded to make the case that it was mine rather than Debbie’s.

First, Katie Rose asked whose laundry it was in–the kids’ or the parents’–and Debbie said, “Mine and Daddy’s.” Then Katie Rose started looking through the laundry basket and pointed out that Debbie only had one pair of shorts with pockets, and I had a lot. Thus, it was probably mine. Debbie said, smilingly, Katie Rose didn’t know what she was talking about and should go away. Katie Rose said she was just trying to be “reasonable” in figuring out whose money it was. Debbie told her to go practice her trombone, and I said she had a good point. Furthermore, I said, the shorts were Debbie’s yard work shorts, and thus unlikely to have any cash stuffed in the pocket. For that matter, did Debbie often stick cash in her pocket? Debbie said, “Sure, sometimes!” Katie Rose objectively pointed out that Debbie usually put money in her pocketbook. Debbie told her to be quiet.

So with little encouragement from me, Katie Rose made a very logical case that the money was very likely mine. That’s my daughter! …Though, I’m not sure whose side she would have been on had the situation been reversed.

Katie Rose is 13

Joey

People always talk about the Terrible Two’s, but we found three to be a tougher age with our kids. At both two and three, they are trying to assert themselves, but I guess we found three more frustrating because the kids had better language skills, but still acted very headstrong. Katie Rose was particularly bullheaded, and Debbie said, “if she’s like this now, what will she be like as a teenager?” Luckily, she became much more easy to deal with by age four. In fact, Debbie called four “the Age of Reason,” since we could now talk with the kids about their actions and behavior. I think of the time from when Pete turned four as a golden age since both kids were old enough to understand us and young enough to still do what we asked (mostly).

Of course, Katie Rose still would frustrate us at times by not being quite so malleable. In the back of my mind, I would think of the dark shadow that still crosses my mother’s face when her kids’ teenage years are mentioned. Still, sometimes I think I can see how the cogs spin in Katie Rose’s brain. She thinks a lot like me, which gives me some insight into and empathy for Katie Rose’s more frustrating behaviors. Debbie sees some of the same actions and just shakes her head or says that Katie Rose is “your child.” Ever since Katie Rose was three, Debbie has sworn she was going to move out of the house as soon as Katie Rose turned 13.

As of 6:05 am today, Katie Rose is 13 years old. So we now have a teenager in the house. We had a birthday party with Debbie’s parents, and Debbie left for book club about 8:30pm, about a half-hour ago. I think she is coming back. Coincidentally and ironically, I recently took a new position that involves part-time travel, so for at least part of each month, I’m the one who has moved out. So far, though, I hear less about the problems of the then pre-teen and more about our dog Lucy, who is supposed to be my dog but who stays at Debbie’s heels and apparently wants constant attention when I’m away. I’ve got my fingers crossed (making it diff8c7lt t9 typ3) that it stays that way–Katie Rose less of a problem than the dog–at least until my travel slows down.

Calming down the kids

Joey

We finally saw Avatar last night at the IMAX theater in Raleigh. With some hesitation about the PG-13 rating, we took both sub-13 kids, and we all enjoyed it. We also saw the 7pm showing, which meant it was nearly 10pm when we got out, raising the question, “How do we get the kids calmed down for bed by the time we get home?” It turned out to be a simple two-step process:

  1. Stop by Krispy Kreme as the prelude to a sugar crash.
  2. On the way home, in response to a radio commercial, launch into a thorough explanation of credit cards, debit cards, and debt generally.

The kids should be asleep or feigning sleep well before you say “mortgage.”

Parenting Books Are a Joke

Joey

Tonight at supper, Pete complained that he didn’t want to eat his squash because he didn’t like squash. Hard for most parents to imagine, I’m sure. I commented, “The parenting books say that if your child says he doesn’t like something, he should try it 15 times before you stop forcing it on him. 15 times!”

Pete made a funny face, laughed, and said “Parenting book?!?!!” thinking that I was pulling his leg that there would actually be A Parenting Book. Apparently, to a 9-year-old, a book on parenting is just a big joke. At which point Debbie, who procures our vast library of parenting books, went and pulled one from the shelf that seemed relevant to the conversation at hand, “Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging & Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate.” … Frankly, with a title like that, I have to admit I’m more with Pete’s “You’re kidding me, right?” reaction. But Debbie turned to one of the 5 pages flagged with Post-It notes, and read a few items from the list, “Reminder Page – Cooperation” [p. 55]. I particularly noticed the next to last one, “Use Humor,” which actually works pretty well with Pete.

I walked in to the bookshelf and grabbed several more off the shelf to show Pete there was actually more than one and then read the titles:

  • “Perfect Parenting. Obviously, Daddy’s got this one down pat. Look, there’s even a bicycle on the cover because a perfect parent rides a bicycle.”
  • “When We’re in Public, Pretend You Don’t Know Me: Surviving Your Daughter’s Adolescence So You Don’t Look Like an Idiot and She Still Talks to You. … Ok, this one, I think the secret is not to use so many words and you don’t look like an idiot.”
  • “101 Essential Tips: Cat Care” [no comment–self explanatory]
  • “Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles“
  • “and finally, Migraine: The Complete Guide.”

(He finally ate the squash.)

Pac-Man vs. Xbox

Joey

Three neighbor kids came over this morning while I was working from home and watching my daughter on a delayed opening day* for our schools. To give them something to do for 30 minutes until the bus came, I offered one my son’s video game systems, including an Xbox with 4 games or an a joystick with Pac-Man and a few other 1980s games built in. To my surprise, he chose Pac-Man.

Furthermore, my son got two new games for his Xbox for his birthday from my mother. They played one, a Harry Potter 4 game, for a week until his birthday party with his friend the following weekend. Since then, all his video game time has been devoted to playing the assorted 1980s video games. He has not even tried the other Xbox game (Shrek) yet.

*Our school system opens two hours late one Thursday a month to make up for lost teacher workdays under North Carolina’s law that limits the beginning and end of the school year.

Katie Rose in State Fair Horse Show

Joey

Katie Rose was in the NC State Fair horse show this weekend. It got off to an inauspicious start yesterday in the jumping classes: First, her horse refused the jumps in the first event. Second, her horse was kicked off the fairgrounds because its papers were not in order–a vaccination was expired or something like that. Her instructor, the horse’s owner, took that horse home and brought Katie Rose another horse, who was more seasoned but not as showy. However, that horse then also refused the jumps because he had not had a chance to see them in practice. Despite all the disappointment, Katie Rose kept her composure and her spirits up for the next day.

Katie Rose on Red, her backup pony
Katie Rose on Red, her backup pony

On Sunday, she got a sixth place in showmanship (walking the horse, not riding) using the trainer’s own horse, since her backup was not used to showmanship. She then switched to her backup pony, but did not place in the next event. However, she placed ninth in equitation, which judges how well the rider is doing (vs how the horse looks). Finally, she got 10th place in the championship class. All events were 10&under (they go by the rider’s at the beginning of the year; KR is 11 now, of course) pony classes, and she was competing against 16-25 other rider’s in each one.  By comparison, she placed 6th, 10th, and 7th out of 4-5 events in her state fair debut last year, but did not get a championship ribbon, which we were all please with this year.

Katie Rose with her 10th place championship ribbon
Katie Rose with her 10th place championship ribbon

Billions vs Trillions

Joey

This morning after breakfast, Debbie and I were discussing the financial services bailout package currently under consideration in Congress. Debbie said, “It’s what? 700 trillion?” When I replied, “700 billion,” she said, “Billion. Trillion. What’s the difference?” Katie Rose was getting ready for school, and said from the hallway, “One is 12 zeros and the other is 9 zeros,” while at the same time I was saying from the kitchen, “Three orders of magnitude.”

Such is Debbie’s life these days. There have been several other instances in the last year in which her offhanded comments were logically deconstructed in the same manner at the same time by both her husband and her 11-year-old daughter, much to her exasperation. I find it amusing, as well as somewhat gratifying to see my thought processes reflected so strongly in Katie Rose. Ever since she was an infant, it has been obvious she was my daughter. Not only does she have my blonde hair, blue eyes, and freckles, but little moments like the one above have shown similarities that run far beneath the surface.